March 12, 2006
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Ultrabad
The reason my last blog entry was about The Fifth Element is because I watched Milla Jovovich in Ultraviolet, and it was so bad, I had to cleanse my palate by watching Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element.
Anyway, the movie was hideously bad, but I wanted to discuss two things in this movie that really disturbed me:
1. Using Glass As Armor
Milla keeps on getting attacked by humans or robots (you can’t tell which) who are wearing this special armor.Now, I don’t mind her killing them all, even if the movie never makes clear exactly what her superpowers are. I even don’t mind the fact that the “enemy” attacked her one-by-one, even when they could have just rushed her. These are all cinematic traditions that have ancient kung-fu origins…
What really bothered me is that these dudes were wearing armor where the midriff was MADE OF GLASS! Do you see the glass shattering as she kicks his stomach?
Now, I am not an engineer, but making armor made of glass does not seem to be the best design choice in the universe.
For all those armor makers out there, here are a few alternate ideas:
In summary, I think you’re pretty much OK as long as you stay away from glass.
2. Getting In A Circle While Pointing Guns At An Enemy In the Center
After Milla escapes from the fortress she’s attacking, she’s surrounded by a bunch of enemy dudes who have guns. They surround her in a circle.
OK, let’s think about this. If she wasn’t in the center of this circle, they would be pointing their guns at each other. She could just duck, right? And what if the person across-the-circle-from-you misses? I mean, this whole gun-circle strategy is just a Dumb Thing To Do.
This really disturbed me, far more than I am capable of conveying.
I’ll stop now, but before I go, I’d like to make an announcement.
Public Service Announcement:
- Do not watch Ultraviolet even if the tickets are free and you think you may be in love with Leeloo.
Comments (6)
My friend told me today that it was bad. =(
All the hype for nothing.
I guess I won’t be seeing it then
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Girls with purple hair are hott.
You want a good “guns pointed to the middle” movie moment? Watch ‘Total Recall’ again. If you remember, Quaid finds a hologram projector, so that he can beam himself into a room and act as a decoy for the real him. Now at one stage there are a group of enemy surrounding the “hologram” Quaid. They open fire. The bullets pass harmlessly through the hologram as holo-Quaid stands there laughing. Enemy stand there confused, but somehow, not dead. *Hmmm…*
Dave
I heard it was horrendous as well, like laugh at funny stupid. Like it was all a huge joke. And it sounds like it. I can just imagine you sitting there literally pissed OFF about the guns thing. that cracks me up, hah!
funny critism, and i was just about to go see it to. thanks for saving my life