1. Amazingly, last night’s “hack chunks of my hair with blunt scissors to force myself to get my hair cut” strategy actually worked! This afternoon, after looking in the mirror, I realized I had to do something, so I went to Jean Louis David and got my hair cut. For the record, I did not go to Jean Louis David because I was fooled by the faux French name, it’s just the hair place that’s closest to my apartment…

   There was a bit of an awkward moment when the hairdresser asked me if I wanted to keep the same hair “shape”, and I had to explain that I did want my hair to be the same shape, except where I had slashed off chunks of hair. She was horrified and confused by this. This awkward conversation went on for a few minutes, before I realized that faux French hair girl spoke neither French nor English, and she was not really horrified, just confused by the use of a language that wasn’t Spanish. Then I said “medium, please”. She said “OK, medium?” I said, “yes, please”.

   The hair cut turned out great, which is to say, utterly unremarkable and boring.

2. The infection in my left ear has cleared up, and I didn’t even have to van Gogh it off! It took about a week to stop hurting, and it made me hear a high-pitched buzz for a few days. I read somewhere that when you hear a high-pitched buzz, it means your hearing cells are dying. So maybe I’m going deaf?

   I’d also like to offer a special thanks to everybody who told me to cut off my ear while I was wracked by pain. I just hope that one day I can be there for you like you were there for me…

About ten minutes ago, I found a pair of scissors and lopped off a few inches of hair. My logic was that I needed a haircut – and this would force me to go get a haircut by Monday morning.

Knowing me, I won’t motivate to get my hair cut by then. Since I don’t have a buzzer, I predict I will end up shaving my head at 4 AM on Sunday night.

I am an idiot.