I just sent a text message (my first?) to my brother who’s travelling. I must confess that I WROTE THE MESSAGE IN ALL CAPS because I didn’t know how to turn off caps on my very ghetto cell phone. ==>

I must take this opportunity to observe that I’ve gotten emails with ALL CAPS before from idiots who don’t know how to use a computer, and I’ve just felt pity for their ignorance. Now, I must admit to myself the truth about my knowledge of cell phones:

I am that idiot.

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edit:

Thanks for the tips everybody! I just figured out that for my Sprint phone, the CAPS toggle is the * key…

Also, since I’m confessing my cell phone idiocy, I’ll note for the record that I spent 5 minutes trying to send the message using the GO button. It turns out that you have to scroll down and use the SEND button…

Last night, I was watching A Time To Kill on cable, and I saw Kiefer Sutherland playing a KKK enemy that opposed Matthew McConaughey’s hero.

In other words, it was:

VERSUS

I have to admit that I was rooting for Kiefer Sutherland’s KKK character, because it so happens that HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE JACK BAUER. In fact, I felt nothing but pity for all the other characters, because clearly, Jack Bauer was gonna kill all his enemies with his handgun and/or a pair of tweezers.

At the end of the movie, Kiefer’s character was arrested. He didn’t kill anybody. He was just arrested.

I couldn’t stop thinking: how is that even possible? I fell asleep a sad, sad man.

So there I was, surfing on Mapquest (that’s a good one too). It so happens that I sell ads for Xanga, so I always at least glance at ads on other sites. Anyway, I saw this random ad on Mapquest. The meaning of the ad didn’t register at first, but then I realized that this ad was using a FOB chiquita to promote Intel’s new “VIIV” technology.

This was a Flash ad, but I took some screenshots and made this animated gif:

This ad raises some critically important questions:

• Doesn’t it look like her hands are superimposed on top of Fobette’s face and body? After all, her body doesn’t move at all, just her hands…
• Actually, don’t her hands look lighter than the skin tone of her face? In fact, don’t her hands look like a white girl’s hands?
• Would a non-FOB ever do this double-peace-sign action? Actually, would a non-FOB even know what this gesture means?
• Would an Asian woman voluntarily do a double-peace-sign for an ad, knowing her friends will tease her mercilessly for the rest of her life?
• Why would Intel want to be associated with the FOB’s double-peace-sign?

Please help me answer these important questions!

EDIT:

Here’s the actual ad!

 

Whatcha think of this “advergame” we did with Citi Cards?

There are three of these advergames, and they’re all pretty cool I think. The Rock-Paper-Scissors one is my favorite. I learned how to play Rock-Paper-Scissors game in Japan as a kid one summer, and the rules were exactly the same except we called the game Jun-Ken-Pon.

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One, two, three, shoot! Post this Rock Paper Scissors game to your site and enter to win lifetime Xanga Premium …

I just found an old work e-mail dated February 17, 2003, so it seems like I was working at Xanga roughly a month before March 14th.

So, not only did I forget my “Xangaversary”, I forget the right date. Go me.

On March 14th, 2006, I hit three years of working at Xanga. Go me!

Sadly, the 14th was two days ago, so I’ve apparently forgotten my own anniversary. Clearly, I will make the world’s worst husband…

The reason my last blog entry was about The Fifth Element is because I watched Milla Jovovich in Ultraviolet, and it was so bad, I had to cleanse my palate by watching Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element.

Anyway, the movie was hideously bad, but I wanted to discuss two things in this movie that really disturbed me:

1. Using Glass As Armor

Milla keeps on getting attacked by humans or robots (you can’t tell which) who are wearing this special armor.

Now, I don’t mind her killing them all, even if the movie never makes clear exactly what her superpowers are. I even don’t mind the fact that the “enemy” attacked her one-by-one, even when they could have just rushed her. These are all cinematic traditions that have ancient kung-fu origins…

What really bothered me is that these dudes were wearing armor where the midriff was MADE OF GLASS! Do you see the glass shattering as she kicks his stomach?

Now, I am not an engineer, but making armor made of glass does not seem to be the best design choice in the universe.

For all those armor makers out there, here are a few alternate ideas:

In summary, I think you’re pretty much OK as long as you stay away from glass.

2. Getting In A Circle While Pointing Guns At An Enemy In the Center

After Milla escapes from the fortress she’s attacking, she’s surrounded by a bunch of enemy dudes who have guns. They surround her in a circle.

OK, let’s think about this. If she wasn’t in the center of this circle, they would be pointing their guns at each other. She could just duck, right? And what if the person across-the-circle-from-you misses? I mean, this whole gun-circle strategy is just a Dumb Thing To Do.

This really disturbed me, far more than I am capable of conveying.

I’ll stop now, but before I go, I’d like to make an announcement.

Public Service Announcement:

• Do not watch Ultraviolet even if the tickets are free and you think you may be in love with Leeloo.

Remember in The Fifth Element when Bruce Willis goes to that concert where the Diva sings that weird techno/opera song?

 

I’ve been listening to that Diva song on repeat all day. It’s a random song, but it’s totally hypnotized me. I bought the soundtrack on Amazon just for that song…

In other The Fifth Element trivia, did anyone else notice that Milla Jovovich’s character Leeloo was reconstructed in a lab from a DNA sample… but despite being only seconds old, she had brownish roots to her orange hair.

It is amazing how much information is stored in DNA these days! Well, to be fair, maybe the director was figuring that the audience would be admiring her “thermal bandages” outfit instead of staring at her roots. Actually, that’s a very reasonable assumption.

[Thursday, March 2, 2006 6:49PM]
MCW2: u want chili duck?
Bob: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Bob: i’m in serious withdrawal
MCW2: ha alright
MCW2: u want 2 orders?
Bob: sure
Bob: i’ll take some home
MCW2: really?
Bob: i’ll bathe in chili duck sauce
MCW2: do u really want 2?
MCW2: or 1?
Bob: 2
MCW2: ok

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EDIT: I can’t believe I ate them both. I feel sick.

• If Xanga were a soccer team, this is what we’d look like in our team photo.

• Even though I’m kneeling, my head is still tilted. Score!
• A Mystery Coworker took this picture. I wanted to take a picture of all of us pointing and laughing at him, but for some strange reason, he didn’t want to participate. So you’ll just have to use your imagination to see what that would have looked like. Here’s a clue:

Yeah, I stole that image from Chris. Oddly enough, Chris separately had the exact same idea to shoot a laugh-at-you picture. So you see, I’m not the most evil person at Xanga. It’s a tie.