Weblog
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
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Update: I Bought A Gun
No, not that kind of gun. This kind of gun:
Yes, I know I'm hot and sweaty, but give me a break, I just worked out...
So, yeah, I've been lifting weights twice a week since the beginning of July. I've only dropped about 5 pounds total, but it seems like I must have lost more fat than that because my muscles are coming in. My strength is up a lot:- dumbbell bicep curl is up from 17.5 pounds (three sets of ten reps) to 45 pounds
- preacher curl from 17.5 to 60 pounds
- lat pulldowns up from 50 to 160 pounds
- dumbbell flat press from 10 to 50 pounds
Initially, I started working out just my back and the glamor muscles (bis, tris, pecs), but after six weeks, I added shoulders (OK, that's a glamor muscle too). To my credit, more recently, I started working out my legs (seated calf raises, leg press and leg extension). Less to my credit, I've done no ab workouts, since any progress there would be covered by a non-muscular biological substance (aka fat).
I usually do 30 minutes of treadmill, but to lose the fat, I'll need to start eating better...
Friday, 20 February 2009
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Asian Girls Gone Wild
I just saw this picture in the New York Times of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton posing with South Korean school girls. I focused on Hillary's face, but really, I was scanning the crowd around her and thinking, "wow, that's amazing that all those Korean girls are posing for a picture and none of them are making a peace sign!
Then I saw the girl in the top right throwing her peace sign. Then I saw the girl in the left going nuts with TWO peace signs. And then I saw the short girl two rows behind Hillary standing on her tippy toes, arm oustretched, throwing HER peace sign. All you can see of her face is her eyes, but you know she must be smiling...
At this point, I'm starting to think that Asian girls throw peace signs while posing for pictures at a funeral.
Monday, 27 October 2008
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Dear People Named Bill
Dear People Named Bill,
Please don't choose an email like william.lastname@isp.com, and then email me and sign your email Bill, because then I will never find your email again because I will be looking for bill.lastname@isp.com.
Also, if everybody calls you Bill, make sure your "Display Name" is "Bill Lastname" not "William Lastname". That's just common courtesy, dude.
Thanks!
-Bob
cc: Bobs with emails starting robert@, Joes with emails starting joseph@, Mikes with emails starting michael@, and all the rest of you freaks...
Saturday, 27 September 2008
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What Kind of Idiot Are You, LOL?
I hate to break it to you, but if you use "LOL", you are probably an idiot. It's possible you are using LOL ironically, and you are oh-so-witty, but let's face it, the odds favor the idiocy theory.
In fact, I recently realized that I categorize people into LOL stereotypes based on how they express laughter or amusement online:- Haha - This is what I use, because everything else is annoying. You probably choose your words carefully and try not to unduly annoy society at large as a courtesy. You may be evil, but you're a nice evil. If I was looking to make new friends, I might even consider you. (P.S. I am not looking to make new friends.)
- Heh - I used this a few years ago, but then I realized it made me seem aloof. So now I think Heh people are either aloof, or are socially clueless and don't understand that "heh" makes them seem aloof.
Most people find you annoying, but they tolerate you because your personality is too bland to hate. - hahahahahahah - Uncontrolled laughter is funny. Typing "hahahahahah" to represent uncontrolled laughter requires a lot of control, so it doesn't work for me. I probably find you annoying.
Maybe you just have a lot of Asian friends, but you are probably Asian. Either way, I probably don't like you. - ahahahahahahahaha - OK, starting an extended haha with an "a" should represent "uncontrolled laughter" better, so I should prefer it more. But that's like saying that since I like ice cream, I would like steak better if it had ice cream on it. Actually, that sounds pretty tasty. However, the tastiness of ice cream steak doesn't change the fact that I don't like you.
- LOL - I pity you for your low IQ.
- ROFL - I pity you for your low IQ and the fact that you roll on the floor like a dog.
- ROFLMAO - I pity you for your low IQ, the fact that you roll on the floor like a dog, and the fact that you no longer have an ass.
- ^__^ - Any smiley with an underscore in it means you are definitely East Asian, with a 10% chance that you've watched too much Naruto and are trying hard to fit into some Japanophile subculture. I definitely dislike you. The more underscores you use in your smileys, the more likely that I actively hate you. If you use three underscores, e.g. ^___^, I would probably enjoy beating you with a bat in a dark alley, if I happened to walk by a dark alley carrying a bat. If you use more than three underscores in your smileys, , e.g. ^______^, I would build a dark alley and whittle a bat to punish you for your evil ways.
What kind of idiot are you, LOL? - Haha - This is what I use, because everything else is annoying. You probably choose your words carefully and try not to unduly annoy society at large as a courtesy. You may be evil, but you're a nice evil. If I was looking to make new friends, I might even consider you. (P.S. I am not looking to make new friends.)
Wednesday, 03 September 2008
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RE: "Please Consider The Environment Before Printing This Email"
Memorandum
TO: All You Evil People Out There
FROM: Bob
You know who you are. You're the people who have an auto-sig on your email that says:
please consider the
environment before printing this e-mail.
FYI, I hate you.
Your auto-sig suggests that I'm constantly printing emails, but your magic reminder will dissuade me from killing trees even as my mouse cursor hovers over the Print button. Let's face it, I print out one email for maybe every ten thousand I receive. I've read about these people who print out every email to read "offline". These people also use fax machines. Like most people under the age of 100, I am not one of those people.
Just to spite you, I'd like to print out every email you stupid people send me, but then I'd have to get up and go to the printer 50 times a day, and we all know that's not going to happen. You dodged a bullet on that one.
Also, have you ever considered the hard drive space that your stupid auto-sig takes up? I bet miners digging metal ore to make hard drives harm the environment way more than printing an email ever could. So you're probably hurting the environment with your emails, you spotted owl murderer.
Do I write you emails that say "please consider the fact that you are stupid before reading this e-mail"? Granted, that is probably a good idea, but somehow I've found the discipline to refrain. Please, return the favor and stop it already.
Regards,
Bob
P.S. please consider the
environment before printing this blog.
P.P.S. See how annoying that is?!?!?!?
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